Time

Today is my birthday.. I am 44 years old.. and I am no where closer to "having it all together" than I was when I celebrated my 21st birthday.

I am still barely hanging on.. still unsure of what I want for myself or my life.. still living paycheck to paycheck. So, when does this whole "im a grown up" thing kick in?

Every year I write something to each of my kids on their birthdays and try and fill them with “bits of wisdom”.. but today, I thought I would remind myself of something..

“TIME; the beauty about time is that it cannot be wasted in advance.”
The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for me as perfect, as unspoiled, as if I had never wasted or misapplied a single minute of it.  
"The secret embraced by all who enjoy truly vibrant relationships, productive careers, and remarkable lives is in consciously choosing to treat each day, every day, as if it is the very first day, not the last!"

Faith

FAITH: [ fāTH ]

NOUN

1. complete trust or confidence in someone or something: synonyms: trust · belief · confidence · conviction · optimism · hopefulness

    2.  strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension  rather than proof.

 

 

I seem to constantly worry about something. Some days I find myself in a state of panic for not apparent reason. But as of today, right now, this very second - I will worry no more. I will take what life has to offer and make the most of every single day... no matter how much it hurts.

 

 



On That Day

I came across a post that talked about the day you die..
                                       http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/02/29/on-the-day-i-die/

On that day, nothing you have been worrying about, losing sleep over, crying about-  wont matter.. On that day, not even your pressing calendar will care that you missed all of those appointments. On the contrary, for most, life wont skip a beat.. everything will continue moving, just like always..




But for a few, and I mean a very few, life as they know it will cease to exist. They will feel pain unlike any other, they will grieve. And those very few people, those are the ones that deserve your tears, and your laughter, and most of all, your time. These few people are the ones that matter.

Road Less Traveled

Today is one of those days.. the kind of day when I can clearly see that I am stuck at this fork in the road, pondering which path to travel.

   On one side, the path looks familiar and safe, peaceful and loved. On the other, I see a path that could lead to a great series of changes in my life, some of them exciting, most of them scary.

 Taking the path of change can bring me happiness and a passion for life that I have yearned for for so long. By taking this path, I can almost feel that unsuppressed driving force that could possibly lead me to accomplish even my most outrageous dreams...But I also see loneliness, and immense loss. And sadness..

My indecision tells me that I am not yet fully prepared to go down  either of these roads. Am I scared? Excited? Nervous? All of the above?

Will taking the road less traveled lead me to a path of destruction or utter joy? Or will it allow me to finally accept all of the wonderful opportunities the Universe has prepared for me? Is it possible I will miss them BOTH? 

Am I on the brink of something extraordinary and, dare I say, fantastic? Or am I on the path to total devastation? I guess only time will tell...

Beautifully Uncertain - Facing my fears

Day 25: Face a Fear

Todays challenge was to face a fear. It didn't have to be as massive as an earthquake (I mean, how would you even seek out an earthquake, anyway?!)…it could even be a tiny fear…but I had to do SOMETHING to face down a fear without backing down.

This journey began as an exploration in myself, my family, my life.. not as a single person, just as ME. Well, things change. And it appears I am now "single".. and today, I faced that realization. I don't know what the future holds for me or how I will get through the next few hours, let alone MY LIFE.. but I can promise you this.. I WILL GET THROUGH IT... my faith tells me that I will.. I hope. :(

Because when you do ANYTHING in this life that matters, you might get lost sometimes. You might get detoured. You might get shaken around and roughed up and tested and tried in the fire. You will sometimes be afraid. You will often feel like you don’t know what the heck you’re doing. You will never be in control because control, as I have learned, is the opposite of faith. ~Beautiful Uncertainty