Three Years..

It’s been three years....

Three years sounds like a long time, but it actually got here in the blink of an eye. And in that blink I have learned so much…

I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you had planned or the way you think they should, but life still goes on....
I learned that some broken things can easily be put back together and some require a lot more work and sometimes still don’t get fixed.
I learned that sometimes we have to experience things we don’t understand and that it’s ok to ask questions you may never get the answers to.

But most importantly, I learned that you can get through the really bad times, and even start enjoying some of the good times, as long as you have people in your life who love you.

I continue to be in awe of his spirit and sense of humor. He continues to be my hero and one of the loves of my life. And I will forever hold dear all of the lessons these three years have taught me and hope for nothing more than a life filled with gratitude and love.

Tuesday Nights

For about the last 4 years we have celebrated almost every Tuesday night in Summer. It started out as sharing dinner between two families to what it is now.. a hodgepodge of food and about 30 people. Our conversations range from political to religious to risque and everything in between. Last night was no exception.

Topics of conversation:

1. A church in Portland that we MUST see.

 

The Schoenstatt Shrine provides for you a natural and supernatural home. You will experience tranquility, peace and most of all our Lady of Schoenstatt, the Mother of God. She offers the grace of a home in her Mother heart for everyone who seeks answers in the confusion and uncertainty of life.

 

2. Using semen on your face..

Yes, we did talk about that. This topic peaked my interest so I had to do a little research.

This is what I found:

Heather Locklear swears by it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/17/semen-anti-aging_n_3101168.html

There are swanky places in New York where you can get a semen facial.

http://www.tracykiss.com/product-reviews/semen-facial-mask/

3. Todays strippers have nothing on the ones of our past.

4. Magic Mike had a TERRIBLE storyline but I would still go watch it again.

5. Some of us have a bigger "love canal" than others.

Tuesday Nights have become my favorite day of the week. There is nothing better than good food, great company, and lots and lots of laughs.

Beautifully Uncertain

Day 31: What is YOUR most Beautiful Uncertainty?

Today I choose to celebrate the fact that I DONT have it all together... that there is still uncertainty in my life and I have my beautiful children to help me figure it all out.

I will take bigger chances and not sweat the small stuff. I will enjoy the chaos and live in every single moment I have. I will TRY to do it with grace and humility, and on the days I cant, I will know that I will be forgiven and given yet ANOTHER opportunity to try again.

I plan to do this with faith and guidance from the big man himself.. I will embrace the good, the bad, and even the ugly and take every minute of every exhausting day for what it is.. just another moment on this wild ride of life.

Beginning today..

Today, 44 years and (almost) 2 months after my birth, 12000 feet in the air, high above the clouds, I have decided that I WILL be significant. I have decided that mediocrity is no longer enough, and it is officially time to take charge of my life and no longer exist but LIVE.

How will I do this? I have no freaking idea. But rest assured, I WILL do it..

Beginning today, I refuse to live in fear for one more second. Will I regret it? Probably.. but nothing great ever came of playing safe.

Missing Myself

Apparently, I have a tone in my voice that will probably cost me my marriage, along with all my other worldly possessions.

I try to tone it down, I really do, but that's really hard to do when you don't realize you're doing it.

I miss the days of freedom, I miss the days I didn't have to practice in my head how I was going to say something before it comes out of my mouth.

I miss enjoying my own company.

But mainly, I miss being myself.

Beautifully Uncertain - Enjoying the Moment

Day 19: Enjoy the Moment More, Capture the Moment Less
I cant believe this 31 day challenge has taken me over two months and I STILL have not completed it!

Today's challenge was to put the phone down and live in the moment. And on our recent Spring Break trip to New York, that's EXACTLY what I did!

It’s easy to get caught up in our phones and our Facebook feeds and our online lives so much that we neglect our ACTUAL lives.. So I took a step away from my online life and focused on the life right in front of me. I resisted the urge to take the picture and post it for the world to see as much as possible and took actual pictures, with a camera!

Yes, the challenge was to take MENTAL pics but I'm 44 now, that image will be long forgotten in a few days.. a picture, however, will last a lifetime. What I did do was keep the phone in my purse, only to be looked at in the evening when I got back to my room. (Do you have any idea how long the battery lasts when you do that??) It was so incredibly liberating!

So much so that I think I want to do that EVERYDAY!

Time

Today is my birthday.. I am 44 years old.. and I am no where closer to "having it all together" than I was when I celebrated my 21st birthday.

I am still barely hanging on.. still unsure of what I want for myself or my life.. still living paycheck to paycheck. So, when does this whole "im a grown up" thing kick in?

Every year I write something to each of my kids on their birthdays and try and fill them with “bits of wisdom”.. but today, I thought I would remind myself of something..

“TIME; the beauty about time is that it cannot be wasted in advance.”
The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for me as perfect, as unspoiled, as if I had never wasted or misapplied a single minute of it.  
"The secret embraced by all who enjoy truly vibrant relationships, productive careers, and remarkable lives is in consciously choosing to treat each day, every day, as if it is the very first day, not the last!"