I have found myself at that crossroad yet again, wondering what direction to go in, knowing that whatever decision I make not only impacts my life, but that of my children, as well.
One direction takes me home, figuratively speaking, where it's safe and, somewhat, comfortable. The other takes me somewhere entirely different. Someplace I don't know of, someplace I have never been..
I have always been, what I like to call, a "safe adventurist". I don't jump out of planes, but I have gone parasailing, I wont swim with the sharks, but I would love to slide by them in a very protected glass case.. see where I am going with this.. I like the adventure, as long as I KNOW I am safe, the danger is limited, the damage is close to none.
I had my first child at 21, my second at 23, my third at 26.. being dangerous wasn't really an option. I had no choice but to play it safe.. and honestly, I was ok with that. As far as I was concerned, three kids under 5 at that age was all the danger I could handle.. but now my kids are older and I am feeling a little "out of sorts". I don't feel as if I have missed anything, quite the contrary, I have lived a full and rich life.. it's more of a "what now" feeling..
You plan your entire adult life thinking that once the kids go away to school, or once they move out, or once they get married - then your life will be your own - but that's not true. They will always be a part of me and I of them and whatever choices I make will always impact them. It will impact how they spend their holidays, how they choose to raise their children, how they will see relationships.. so I find myself at a crossroads.. do I play it safe and live a life I know and am merely comfortable with or do I go into the unknown and take a chance on myself?
No comments:
Post a Comment