Law of Attraction

So I have been on this magical "transformation" of living with gratitude and positive thinking. It's a lot harder than it sounds.. and sometimes, its down right impossible.

"we become what we think about; energy flows where attention goes." - rhonda byrne

That quote, basically, sums up with the entire program is about. In other words, you are what you attract. And you attract what you think. Sounds easy enough.. well its not.

There are 3 things you need to do to get started:

#1 First and foremost, you need to BELIEVE. If you don't believe, you don't receive.

#2 You need to learn to live with GRATITUDE. Be grateful for everything you see and hear..

#3 You have to VISUALIZE.. see it, believe it.. know it..

That's it! Get those three things in order and you are well on your way to having it all.

Three Years..

It’s been three years....

Three years sounds like a long time, but it actually got here in the blink of an eye. And in that blink I have learned so much…

I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you had planned or the way you think they should, but life still goes on....
I learned that some broken things can easily be put back together and some require a lot more work and sometimes still don’t get fixed.
I learned that sometimes we have to experience things we don’t understand and that it’s ok to ask questions you may never get the answers to.

But most importantly, I learned that you can get through the really bad times, and even start enjoying some of the good times, as long as you have people in your life who love you.

I continue to be in awe of his spirit and sense of humor. He continues to be my hero and one of the loves of my life. And I will forever hold dear all of the lessons these three years have taught me and hope for nothing more than a life filled with gratitude and love.

Tuesday Nights

For about the last 4 years we have celebrated almost every Tuesday night in Summer. It started out as sharing dinner between two families to what it is now.. a hodgepodge of food and about 30 people. Our conversations range from political to religious to risque and everything in between. Last night was no exception.

Topics of conversation:

1. A church in Portland that we MUST see.

 

The Schoenstatt Shrine provides for you a natural and supernatural home. You will experience tranquility, peace and most of all our Lady of Schoenstatt, the Mother of God. She offers the grace of a home in her Mother heart for everyone who seeks answers in the confusion and uncertainty of life.

 

2. Using semen on your face..

Yes, we did talk about that. This topic peaked my interest so I had to do a little research.

This is what I found:

Heather Locklear swears by it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/17/semen-anti-aging_n_3101168.html

There are swanky places in New York where you can get a semen facial.

http://www.tracykiss.com/product-reviews/semen-facial-mask/

3. Todays strippers have nothing on the ones of our past.

4. Magic Mike had a TERRIBLE storyline but I would still go watch it again.

5. Some of us have a bigger "love canal" than others.

Tuesday Nights have become my favorite day of the week. There is nothing better than good food, great company, and lots and lots of laughs.

Beautifully Uncertain

Day 31: What is YOUR most Beautiful Uncertainty?

Today I choose to celebrate the fact that I DONT have it all together... that there is still uncertainty in my life and I have my beautiful children to help me figure it all out.

I will take bigger chances and not sweat the small stuff. I will enjoy the chaos and live in every single moment I have. I will TRY to do it with grace and humility, and on the days I cant, I will know that I will be forgiven and given yet ANOTHER opportunity to try again.

I plan to do this with faith and guidance from the big man himself.. I will embrace the good, the bad, and even the ugly and take every minute of every exhausting day for what it is.. just another moment on this wild ride of life.

Beginning today..

Today, 44 years and (almost) 2 months after my birth, 12000 feet in the air, high above the clouds, I have decided that I WILL be significant. I have decided that mediocrity is no longer enough, and it is officially time to take charge of my life and no longer exist but LIVE.

How will I do this? I have no freaking idea. But rest assured, I WILL do it..

Beginning today, I refuse to live in fear for one more second. Will I regret it? Probably.. but nothing great ever came of playing safe.

Missing Myself

Apparently, I have a tone in my voice that will probably cost me my marriage, along with all my other worldly possessions.

I try to tone it down, I really do, but that's really hard to do when you don't realize you're doing it.

I miss the days of freedom, I miss the days I didn't have to practice in my head how I was going to say something before it comes out of my mouth.

I miss enjoying my own company.

But mainly, I miss being myself.

Beautifully Uncertain - Enjoying the Moment

Day 19: Enjoy the Moment More, Capture the Moment Less
I cant believe this 31 day challenge has taken me over two months and I STILL have not completed it!

Today's challenge was to put the phone down and live in the moment. And on our recent Spring Break trip to New York, that's EXACTLY what I did!

It’s easy to get caught up in our phones and our Facebook feeds and our online lives so much that we neglect our ACTUAL lives.. So I took a step away from my online life and focused on the life right in front of me. I resisted the urge to take the picture and post it for the world to see as much as possible and took actual pictures, with a camera!

Yes, the challenge was to take MENTAL pics but I'm 44 now, that image will be long forgotten in a few days.. a picture, however, will last a lifetime. What I did do was keep the phone in my purse, only to be looked at in the evening when I got back to my room. (Do you have any idea how long the battery lasts when you do that??) It was so incredibly liberating!

So much so that I think I want to do that EVERYDAY!

Time

Today is my birthday.. I am 44 years old.. and I am no where closer to "having it all together" than I was when I celebrated my 21st birthday.

I am still barely hanging on.. still unsure of what I want for myself or my life.. still living paycheck to paycheck. So, when does this whole "im a grown up" thing kick in?

Every year I write something to each of my kids on their birthdays and try and fill them with “bits of wisdom”.. but today, I thought I would remind myself of something..

“TIME; the beauty about time is that it cannot be wasted in advance.”
The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for me as perfect, as unspoiled, as if I had never wasted or misapplied a single minute of it.  
"The secret embraced by all who enjoy truly vibrant relationships, productive careers, and remarkable lives is in consciously choosing to treat each day, every day, as if it is the very first day, not the last!"

Faith

FAITH: [ fāTH ]

NOUN

1. complete trust or confidence in someone or something: synonyms: trust · belief · confidence · conviction · optimism · hopefulness

    2.  strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension  rather than proof.

 

 

I seem to constantly worry about something. Some days I find myself in a state of panic for not apparent reason. But as of today, right now, this very second - I will worry no more. I will take what life has to offer and make the most of every single day... no matter how much it hurts.

 

 



On That Day

I came across a post that talked about the day you die..
                                       http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/02/29/on-the-day-i-die/

On that day, nothing you have been worrying about, losing sleep over, crying about-  wont matter.. On that day, not even your pressing calendar will care that you missed all of those appointments. On the contrary, for most, life wont skip a beat.. everything will continue moving, just like always..




But for a few, and I mean a very few, life as they know it will cease to exist. They will feel pain unlike any other, they will grieve. And those very few people, those are the ones that deserve your tears, and your laughter, and most of all, your time. These few people are the ones that matter.

Road Less Traveled

Today is one of those days.. the kind of day when I can clearly see that I am stuck at this fork in the road, pondering which path to travel.

   On one side, the path looks familiar and safe, peaceful and loved. On the other, I see a path that could lead to a great series of changes in my life, some of them exciting, most of them scary.

 Taking the path of change can bring me happiness and a passion for life that I have yearned for for so long. By taking this path, I can almost feel that unsuppressed driving force that could possibly lead me to accomplish even my most outrageous dreams...But I also see loneliness, and immense loss. And sadness..

My indecision tells me that I am not yet fully prepared to go down  either of these roads. Am I scared? Excited? Nervous? All of the above?

Will taking the road less traveled lead me to a path of destruction or utter joy? Or will it allow me to finally accept all of the wonderful opportunities the Universe has prepared for me? Is it possible I will miss them BOTH? 

Am I on the brink of something extraordinary and, dare I say, fantastic? Or am I on the path to total devastation? I guess only time will tell...

Beautifully Uncertain - Facing my fears

Day 25: Face a Fear

Todays challenge was to face a fear. It didn't have to be as massive as an earthquake (I mean, how would you even seek out an earthquake, anyway?!)…it could even be a tiny fear…but I had to do SOMETHING to face down a fear without backing down.

This journey began as an exploration in myself, my family, my life.. not as a single person, just as ME. Well, things change. And it appears I am now "single".. and today, I faced that realization. I don't know what the future holds for me or how I will get through the next few hours, let alone MY LIFE.. but I can promise you this.. I WILL GET THROUGH IT... my faith tells me that I will.. I hope. :(

Because when you do ANYTHING in this life that matters, you might get lost sometimes. You might get detoured. You might get shaken around and roughed up and tested and tried in the fire. You will sometimes be afraid. You will often feel like you don’t know what the heck you’re doing. You will never be in control because control, as I have learned, is the opposite of faith. ~Beautiful Uncertainty

Beautifuuly Uncertain - Pinterest , Trust, and Closing a Chapter

Day 15: World’s Largest Vision Board

PINTEREST - need I say more..

Because that’s what life is about: Capturing the moment. Grabbing hold of it and refusing to let it slip from your grasp simply because you’re tired or inconvenienced or in a hurry. ~Beautiful Uncertainty
Day 20: Trust without Borders
Today’s challenge is very simple.
Say this prayer…and leave the rest to God.

Day 21: Close a Chapter
Today's challenge was to close a chapter. And that's what I did. I have accepted the fact that things will never be like I want them to be and it's time to move on. 

For every chapter that ends…another begins. ~Beautiful Uncertainty

Beautifully Uncertain - Prayers and God Winks

Day 26: THIS PRAYER WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Day 26 was quite simple…sort of..
I was instructed to say this prayer over all relationships and just sit back and let God to the rest.

The prayer - I can say.. sitting back, now THAT is the hard part.

Day 27: God Wink
Todays goal was to be bold with God and ask Him for a God Wink. So I did.. and I waited and waited.. and waited.. and just when I was about to give up - He came to me! In a fortune cookie, no less..

Day 29: Send a Letter to Your Future Self

Today's challenge was to visit FutureMe.org and write your future self a letter, to be delivered at any time in the future in which you choose (I chose a year from today) I wrote my hopes and goals and plans for the future and I sent it off. A year from now Future Me and Past Me will collide and compare notes. I am hoping that a year from now, things will be different, personally and professionally. I hope that on this day, one year from now, I will be reading that letter to myself and admiring just how far I have come. In the off chance that I haven't and im in the EXACT same place I am now.. I have instructed myself to kick my own ass!


Day 30: What Does THIS Woman Want?

The instructions for today were to sit down and write out the qualities that you’re looking for in your future husband. Since that's not AT ALL what this is about I had initially thought to skip it all together but then I decided not to.. I don't know if its because I feel as if though something is missing in my life or it just seemed like a fun thing to do, but I did it.
We were told to list as many qualities as we wanted and to be as specific as possible.

So here goes.. I want someone who puts me first.. above all else.. who WANTS to be with me.. who NEEDS to be with me. THAT'S IT!

That's not too hard is it?

Day 16: Beautifully Uncertain, A Little Step Toward Your Big Dream

Day 16: A Little Step Toward Your Big Dream
Todays goal was about taking a small step towards a big Dream. It's hard to have concrete goals when you really don't know what you want to do.. I DO know I want to be out of debt, I know I want to travel the world, and I know I love to be around people.. so I decided to take a huge leap of faith and sign up to be a Stella and Dot Stylist.

For one, I LOVE their jewelry, I believe every single product is superior to all others, and I get discounts! What's not to love?

So I used my last $200 and made the investment.


Because TINY steps taken in faith are better than allowing fear and doubt and hesitation keep you stuck. And even the tiniest steps, taken faithfully, will eventually get you to your destination. ~Beautiful Uncertainty

Beautifully Uncertain - Life Everlasting

Day 5 Vision Board

Creating a vision board.. in a way, this post in my vision board.. it's all I have wanted to do for some time now.. put my words down.. write, travel, and then write about my travels..

Days 6 - A Date with God &  Day7 are about God and closure.. for me , those two came hand in hand. My grandmother passed away this week and I have never felt closure or HIS presence than I have these last few days.

While I have a ton of regrets, I also have hope.. Hope that I will get to see her again, hope that I have made her proud, and hope that there is life everlasting..

RIP Grandma..

Beautifully Uncertain - One Year, One Goal

Day 4 One Year, One Goal

While there are many things I want to accomplish this year, like finally tackling that back room that has been bothering me for years, I am instructed to pick one goal, write it down, share it with the world, and don't stop working till I accomplish it..

So that's what I am doing..

My ONE goal for 2016 is to pay off ALL of my credit cards.. every single one.. and then throw a big ass party.. which I will pay for in cash..

So here is the plan... I have taken all of my credit card bills, listed them all on a spreadsheet with balance, APR, and min payment, then arranged them in order by highest APR.

The one with the highest gets paid off first, all the others get the minimum payment. When the first one is paid off, you apply that monthly amount to the second card and pay all of that until it is paid off. Once that card is paid, you take the money from both of the first two cards and apply it to the payment of the third card.. get it.. it's called the snowball effect.. fingers crossed it works..

Beautifully Uncertain

I came across a blog the other day that really caught my eye. The entire page is geared towards single women, which I am not, but I still managed to relate to so much of it. So much so that I decided to try their 31 day Challenge. Check out the page here..

http://thesinglewoman.net/

I am already three weeks behind so I need to do some MAJOR catching up.. details of week one can be found here..

http://thesinglewoman.net/2015/12/31/buweekone/

Day 1 - Quite Reflection

How I wish I had an entire day to dedicate to this but it's just not possible.. Lately, I feel as if there is always someone or something that requires some part of my attention. I did, however, take a drive to my moms.. I turned up the radio and sang along and shut everything else out.. (I may have missed the quite part).  It wasn't a long drive but it helped me clear my mind.. even if it was just for a few minutes..

I hope I can remember to do this daily.. odds are slim..

Dr. Seuss

Tomorrow, my son leaves for anther semester of college. A part of me is sad. I know the house will feel different without him there. But another part of me is happy, too. Happy that he gets to experience this. Happy that he is one year closer to finishing. Happy that he is one year closer to being on his own (why lie?)
It seems that everything you need to know about life you can learn from The Doctor - Dr. Seuss, that is.

Here’s a nice breakdown of what it takes to get places.. "The BRAINS in your head give your body the DIRECTIONS it needs to take you where you want to go. You just have to know where it is you want to go. DETERMINING your destination is PRIORITY ONE. What the brain can dream up, the body can fulfill as long as there is a strong DETERMINATION  and a clear vision of what it is that is wanted. The great part is that this is all up to you, you have plenty of choices, and there are countless directions that you can head."


Here's to hoping he has the vision, determination, and the brains to make it happen.. in two years or less.

Crossroads

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days"..

 I have found myself at that crossroad yet again, wondering what direction to go in, knowing that whatever decision I make not only impacts my life, but that of my children, as well.

One direction takes me home, figuratively speaking, where it's safe and, somewhat, comfortable. The other takes me somewhere entirely different. Someplace I don't know of, someplace I have never been..

I have always been, what I like to call, a "safe adventurist". I don't jump out of planes, but I have gone parasailing, I wont swim with the sharks, but I would love to slide by them in a very protected glass case.. see where I am going with this.. I like the adventure, as long as I KNOW I am safe, the danger is limited, the damage is close to none.

I had my first child at 21, my second at 23, my third at 26.. being dangerous wasn't really an option. I had no choice but to play it safe.. and honestly, I was ok with that. As far as I was concerned, three kids under 5 at that age was all the danger I could handle.. but now my kids are older and I am feeling a little "out of sorts". I don't feel as if I have missed anything, quite the contrary, I have lived a full and rich life.. it's more of a "what now" feeling..

You plan your entire adult life thinking that once the kids go away to school, or once they move out, or once they get married - then your life will be your own - but that's not true. They will always be a part of me and I of them and whatever choices I make will always impact them. It will impact how they spend their holidays, how they choose to raise their children, how they will see relationships.. so I find myself at a crossroads.. do I play it safe and live a life I know and am merely comfortable with or do I go into the unknown and take a chance on myself?

I was presented with a 30 day No Junk food Challenge and it goes something like this..

Since the first four are practically major food groups in my home, I hesitated, for a minute but then I decided...

So today is DAY ONE..



For the last few months, something has been "off". I cant quite put  my finger on it but I just haven't felt like myself. I decided it was time I did something about it.. so I thought what's better than trying a yoga class.. start slow, do a little stretching, get in touch with my "inner self", maybe meditate a bit...

WOAH! That was NOT what I thought it was going to be! It hurt! Like, ALOT!

I couldn't do ANY of the moves, I couldn't stretch AT ALL.. and the only part of my "inner self" I almost got in touch with was the part that almost came out of my mouth..

About the only part I could do was the laying down meditation portion.. and even then, I almost fell asleep.. till my phone rang.. and disrupted the entire class.

But I will try again tomorrow!

{Work out log: 1 hr attempted yoga   30 min treadmill}